Understanding Etiquette: It's All About Heart and Grace

Let’s get real for a moment. While scrolling through social media, it's tempting to believe everyone else has it all figured out. Perfect lives, always well dressed, always funny, responds to every situation with grace and control….. 

I want to stress to everyone how far from reality that is. 

As an etiquette coach, I often come across many questions about how to eat properly, sit properly, and raise the level of sophistication and refinement in presence and poise, and this is a wonderful thing to aspire to develop.

However, through my personal coaching clients, and specific questions and comments I receive about etiquette, I am also aware of the pressure that having good etiquette can put on individuals under. It can often develop into pressure that one must look, act, and dress a specific way in order to be confident, graceful, and sophisticated. 

I want to remind everyone that etiquette isn’t as much about creating an elegant personna as it is about building confidence so you know how to navigate situations without second guessing yourself or your behavior. It is about giving you a set of guidelines so that you can focus on the fun things, like getting to know people and acting intentionally with those around you. 

Anton Chekov pointed out that true upbringing isn't about never making a faux pas, like spilling sauce on the tablecloth. It's about having the grace to not make a fuss when you or someone else does. But we can take etiquette beyond which way to hold your fork or how to manage table spills. 

It goes much deeper and at its core, it is about how you interact with others so that you may build strong interpersonal relationships. 

I use etiquette as a tool to help individuals to understand the importance of developing your emotional intelligence so that you can react with grace and poise in sticky personal and professional situations as well. 

The truth is, that no one is perfect - you will make mistakes and the others around you will too. If we lean into grace over perfection with others, we can also begin to embrace this positive mindset and embrace it for ourselves. 

This is why one of the values I hold so dear, is to always take the high road. To #StayElegant - a simple reminder to embrace imperfections within others, and ourselves with a warm heart and chose the high road. 

Etiquette covers many soft skills from communication to body language, or deportment. These skills reach beyond standing up straight, and get into the small details of using positive body language while communicating so you better understand how and what you are communicating and others understand and accept what you are communicating as well. 

Etiquette guidelines will help you learn the nuances of speaking in networking groups and people you have just met at a new office or college. It will help you understand how to manage intrusive and impolite questions with grace, so that you not only spare the feelings of those around you who may not understand what they have asked is impolite, but redirecting the question in a way that maintains your positive mindset and redirects the conversation. 

Etiquette will help you to learn what making a first impression is all about, how what you can do to put your best self forward, so you will be able to have more confidence when meeting people, presenting, attending a dinner, or going off to college or new place of employment for. 

Etiquette empowers us to look at life through a new lens. Etiquette helps build our skills so we know how to behave, understand what we are feeling, and avoid falling prey to the clap-back culture so we can hold ourselves with grace, confidence, and poise - no matter what life throws at us. 

Especially in those moments someone spills or speaks too loudly we can see it as a little oops and brush it off gently as a shared human experience. 

If your inner voice is always reminding you to Stay Elegant you will continually be reminding yourself that we are all on this journey together, and instead of losing the pot, we can have a gentle nod in silence and remember it has happened to me before, it will happen to me again and we are all in this together. 

Chekov’s insight speaks volumes: True culture isn’t shown by avoiding life's little messes but by responding with warmth, understanding, and potentially a helping hand.

Walking Together with Kindness and Grace

The real deal with etiquette isn't a long list of do's and don'ts. It's an open heart and the willingness to be there for each other, especially when things go south.

Takeaways and Actionable Steps:

1. Pause Before Reacting: The next time you see someone in an awkward situation, pause for a moment before reacting. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
2. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel? Extend the kindness you'd wish to receive.
3. Educate with Kindness: If someone genuinely doesn't know better and you feel the urge to guide them, do it with love and patience.
4. Celebrate Growth: Praise people when you notice them improving or trying. Positive reinforcement can work wonders.
5. Self-Reflect: Remember your own moments of imperfection. Let them be a reminder that nobody's perfect, and we’re all in this together.

To sum it up, the essence of etiquette and manners isn't about flaunting perfection; it's about spreading love, grace, and understanding. So, the next time life presents an unexpected twist, let's choose compassion and remember: everyone is doing their best with what they have.