Throughout my career, I’ve seen firsthand how subtle behaviors can influence the way others perceive others. There is no way to get around it, the way you look and act will imprint on people and shape the way they think and feel about you.Ā The good news is that I have seen rapid transformation of my clients simply through raising awareness of simple behaviors that we may take for granted.Ā
In fact, some of these actions are just habits or they may actually make you feel better, as we are learning that many of these behaviors provide some with temporary comfort. That being said, in specific situations you may want to appear to be confident and in charge, lets say for a job interview, or you may be trying to make new friends so building awareness on the perception of these behaviors can be helpful.Ā
So although you may not always feel anxious or nervous while doing these actions, they unfortunately can inadvertently project an image of uncertainty and lack of confidence. So in an effort to help you boost your self awareness, and develop your confidence to be the best version of yourself when you feel your impressions matters, I will give you a few simple actions that could be giving mixed signals so that you can develop an awareness, and learn to self correct to present your most positive and confident version of yourself when you want to.
Fidgeting & Over Checking
This includes constantly moving and avoiding eye contact.
When you are constantly tapping fingers, constantly moving or adjusting yourself, checking your phone, clicking a pen or avoiding eye contact by darting your eyes around to different areas of the room, it can give the impression of nervousness or discomfort. The sense that you are either nervous to be in the place that you are, or you donāt want to be in the place that you are. Whether it’s during a meeting with colleagues or a conversation with friends, these behaviors can inadvertently undermine your professional image and detract from your presence and credibility in a professional setting. In a personal setting it can often lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings if the person that you are with feels you do not want to be with them.
Rapid Speech & Over-Apologizing
Speaking too fast and excessive apologizing can signal a lack of confidence and self-assurance. While it’s natural to feel nervous in certain situations, try to be present with your words and thoughts. Avoid apologizing for little things that do not require apologizing and replace them with phrases such as, thank you for bringing that to my attention, or oh, I understand now. This will show an engagement in the conversation and an understanding of what is being said, rather than a lack of your understanding and proclivity to apologizing for everything.Ā
Stiff & Proper Posture
Although I am a huge proponent for utilizing correct posture, it can be overdone. Maintaining a very stiff or still posture can convey a sense of discomfort and rigidity. These physical cues can create barriers between us and those we are interacting with, hindering the development of meaningful connections. You can maintain correct posture but look engaged by leaning in, making appropriate eye contact and many other active listening techniques such as nodding your head in agreement of what is being said. This will help you to maintain good posture, but still appear interested and engaged in the conversation.Ā
Please donāt let this blog post start up your inner critic. That is not what we do at The Elegance Advisor Consultancy. I will tell you what I always tell myself and everyone is that awareness is key. The first step towards transformation on your personal and professional developmentĀ journey is recognizing and acknowledging how you present yourself to others. By becoming aware of these subtle behaviors and beginning to recognize them when you engage in them you can take proactive steps to address them and practice the behaviors you would like to develop.Ā
Practice makes PrefectĀ Progress
Like any skill, projecting confidence requires practice. Once you recognize you are engaging in a behavior you would like to change, just experiment with subtle changes you can make in your body language and communication style. There is no need to be rude to yourself rather just remind yourself that you would prefer to make eye contact and place your phone in your handbag so it is less of a distraction. You can also take a deep breath or a sip of tea and decide to speak at a more measured pace. Over time, these simple adjustments will become second nature to you, helping you to exude confidence in any situation.
I would like to note that in the atmosphere of acceptance of others for who they are, it is unfortunate that perception is reality in the world of making a first impression. I encourage everyone to develop empathy for others rather than judging them on these little behaviors. We are all on this journey together, and it is more important to be accepting and kind to others than forming hard judgements on others because they bite their nails or bounce their knee. That being said, if building your presence and reputation around others matters to you, you can start by understanding these simple gestures and work within yourself to master the art of projecting confidence through our actions and behaviors. Instead of approaching this journey through a harsh critical lens of yourself, you can consider it an elegant journey of elevating your presence and unlocking the opportunities for success that await you.Ā
So, next time you find yourself in a room of people you would like to get to know and impress with your elegance and charm,Ā take a deep breath and remember that you are an amazing individual with so much to offer, walk in ready to make true connections as your authentic self and I assure you, you will do fine!Ā
Stay Elegant,Ā
Taylor Elizabeth
My name is Taylor Elizabeth – The Elegance Advisor –Ā and I am an Emotional Intelligence and Positive Psychology Confidence Coach. I work with individuals to become social and professional leaders through a lens of finding their true identity, living up to their values and standards, and developing their mindsets, behavior and communication so they can think, look, act and feel empowered, in just the way they want to. If this is something that interests you – please subscribe to my newsletter. Join my free offerings (click here) or reach out for a one to one consultation so we can develop a personalized program for you, or your team! I look forward to hearing from you!
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